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welcome
There is an inner beauty about a woman who believes in herself, who knows she is capable of anything that she puts her mind to. There is a beauty in the strength and determination of a woman who follows her own path, who isn't thrown off by obstacles along the way. There is a beauty about a woman whose confidence comes from experiences; who knows she can fall, pick herself up, and move on
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i ve tried
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
over time u realize who is sincere *** over time true friends appear *** over time u learn to forgive and forget or maybe not.at least ignore. *** and i still miss you.not sometimes still all the times. *** i nv once chose to forget yet i wish sometimes i nv had. *** we both holding back.so am i so are you. are you tired?because i am. if you wish to ignore.make it a forever. so we both avoid the uneccessity of being hurt. or perhaps it just me? im tired.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
 this is a diamond butterfly clip. My eyes turn glittery.."dreamyy.." if only anyone will get this for me?? HA!!! let me record : "what hazel said after i told her i found my butterfly clip." Hazel said: AHhh..anyway,it cheers me a lil.:) anyway,my patient today told me i have a raw smile. 2nd person!?!what is raw smile ?? zzZ and again its a angmoh! tommorow is the day.hope things go smoothly.:) *** facebook seems to be a routine nowadays. checking again the unnecessity. even i stayed.will you feel happy?how are you? till then,- is it better to be this way?
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
so chan woke up late this morning. but she fetched me from hospital though. AWww..so sweet of you rubber stomach.HA! though u look ugly with that greyish pyjamas tshirt. we talked and i kept smiling. she thought im out of mind for a moment. furthermore,she got so frust ated that i kept changin the songs. finally when i decided to listen "I MISS YOU" by westlife. i smiled.and she looked at me and "wth..stop it!" i kept listening to the song and dazed. "..our love is built on lies.." she sang it loudly and smirked. i felt like banging her to the MRT door.Ahh.i'm not that stupid.i know! *** anyway,i was shocked that b practically pursuing "shalnotbesaidthename" i dont understand.its hurting my pride! it must be making "shalnotbesaidthename" think im desperate to go. its a zZ!! i m really not interested in going.neither joining that competition. *** i still cant forget things that im suppose to forget. 2 more days yet ...... its a poison wrapped in candy. i wish i could ask how are you?are you doing fine? i will grow throughh this pain.till then ,- facade?
done with my case study.4.06 AM.helo myself !dont think too much.:* stop thinking and get sleep........ "slap myself" wake up wake up. another sleepless night. people left with choices. to move on or stay on. it seems that moving on or staying on. causing endless harms. doubts. if it is,why is it so .... chan quoted "the shortest, the sickest the impressions left." "the longest, the dependance = the comfort." "is the reason teardrop in my guitar..and the thing that made me wishin upon the star" "i swear myself to not fall apart" till then .- refresh.are you?
okay finnaly a new blog skin.i m always having a trouble with changin my blog skins. error here and there. finnaly a crash! wth. wtf. but its okay. the computer is still working fine. ***
*** no more convo.no more candy.no more gunshoot. a pretty embrassing end.ha! *** tired.leturgic.and my gum bleeding badly. this morning my whole wastafel filled with blood. serious!no kidding.but its not like A FREAKY kind as you thought. i tear my gum yesterday night. i was too high to realize that i tear it myself. anyway, sunday,hazel and i went to indochine like again? aiyah okay lah thats really my stop. especially during : "any unpleasant emotional strike" i love the people there.i love the liveband there.i love to sit there. yesh..i just loved that place.OH uncle..!! inside joke "its nice to be a pretty girl !" monday,hazel fetched me from home and met sheila. we dont really have much thing to be updated though. except that sheila is not changing a single bit.-_-" anyway,lookin foward to tomorrow meeting. and again,chan going to fetch me tomorow before she goes to school. haha!hazel,a real soon my babyboy will complain! ***  chatted with him.took a few snaps. thank you for being you.sorry that ive ever let you down. i promise.no more. haha! seriously, im so going to be dead tomorow if im not going to start on my case studies, like now!!!! this is not the end of my world.neither yours.so good night world.:) till then,- Monday, March 23, 2009
 woho.acting sweety pie.see the eye bag?oh well.not that pretty after all.      from now and then i want to cherish you. because noone will understand me more than you do. no judgement no secrets nothing. another mushy one for you hazel chan.HA! *** ...."i should know better than to lean on you.come in and crush my heart into pieces.".... its like needles piercing through. pain. screw
Sunday, March 22, 2009
 "when life gets hard, screw it!" teardrop
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Drew looks at meI fake a smile so he won't see What I want and I need And everything that we should be I'll bet she's beautiful That girl he talks about And she's got everything That I have to live without Drew talks to me I laugh 'cause it's just so funny I can't even see Anyone when he's with me He says he's so in love He's finally got it right I wonder if he knows He's all I think about at night He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star He's the song in the car I keep singing Don't know why I do Drew walks by me Can he tell that I can't breathe? And there he goes, so perfectly The kind of flawless I wish I could be She better hold him tight Give him all her love Look in those beautiful eyes And know she's lucky 'cause He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star He's the song in the car I keep singing Don't know why I do So I drive home alone As I turn out the light I'll put his picture down And maybe get some sleep tonight 'Cuz he's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart He's the song in the car I keep singing Don't know why I do He's the time taken up but there's never enough And he's all that I need to fall into Drew looks at me I fake a smile so he won't see oh again today
i dont know who are youi dont know your whereabout i know nothing about you im not a typical person who call someone "OH man he is such a jerk!" neither fall in love instantly. everything goes by the procedure of heart. but now i understand. stranger is stranger. friendship or relationship.no way different. the only difference they ve made is those scars they left or the memories. either way,you can choose to hate or to forget. aye,now whoever reading it dont assume things. its for me to know and not for you to find out. *** im not really updating about my life recently. some who knows some who donts. doesnt really matter. not too happening yet. perhaps it wil be colourfull next time.but just not now. i had been wrapping 3 dead bodies in total. big deal? yesh! imagining when i got to wrap a dead body in the middle of night alone. thats gonna be sick! anyway,move on. i was just drawn by the rain for the sake of 206 dollar check of my pay. damn!my casting pay not yet arrived.sucks. if not i got alot money.HA! next, hope tonight will going smooth arh hazel. zoukout ar.ha!anyway,recently i ve been spending almost my whole time with her.seriously people will think we are lesbian AGAin.NOTE the again. i guess our friendship has gone a long journay. from good fucktap good fucktap good fucktap. hope it will continue GOOD! and not to forget,happy birthay meme.i doubt she will read this though. but yeah i still wish her as she is important to me. never once forgotten. okay.i getting my migraine AGAIN. must be the rain.FUCK shit! anyway fainted yesterday. no big deal. as usual,- lack of sleep,migraine,too workaholic over time i realize a real true bestfriend dont judge.random. CIAoo! is this what u wanna know?
Friday, March 20, 2009
dance is for peace. shutting myself. you wanna know how is it feel like?tell me when you feel it. liar
talking about being the positive thing in all the negativeswhere are you in my shitty moment? adding more troubles and quarellsome night. damn it. liar serious shit
Thursday, March 19, 2009
 this mean im just so fucking ugly right here in this moment bad shit in my leg. grR speechless moment. i want too but i cant too im tired off but i have too i m serious yet i cant choose im laughing yet inside bleeding facade?lol.hurting shit. sorry is the word?
 i wish i can ask how are you in the most natural way pushing you away with a word goodbye i wonder is this what i really yearning for? controlling every single emotion within. smoking a cigarrete with a thought of watcha doing now? wish sory could do much.nevertheless what is it for? sory seems to be the hardest thing to be said. It's been so long That I haven't seen your face I'm tryna be strong But the strength I have is washing away It wont be long Before I get you by my side And just hold you, tease you, squeeze you Tell you what's been on my mind I wanna make up right now, na na I wanna make up right now, na na Wish we never broke up right now, na na We need to link up right now, na na I wanna make up right now, na na I wanna make up right now, na na Wish we never broke up right now, na na We need to link up right now, na na Girl I know mistakes were made between us two And we show our eyes that night Even said somethings weren't true Why'd you go and haven't seen my girl since then Why can't it be the way it was? Cos you were my homie, lover and friend I wanna make up right now, na na I wanna make up right now, na na Wish we never broke up right now, na na We need to link up right now, na na I wanna make up right now, na na I wanna make up right now, na na Wish we never broke up right now, na na We need to link up right now, na na I can't lie I miss you much Watching everyday that goes by I miss you much Until I get you back I'm gonna try Yes I miss you much You are the apple of my eye Girl I miss you much I miss you much I can't lie I miss you much Watching everyday that goes by I miss you much Until I get you back I'm gonna try Yes I miss you much You are the apple of my eye Girl I miss you much I miss you much I wanna make up right now, na na I wanna make up right now, na na Wish we never broke up right now, na na We need to link up right now, na na I wanna make up right now, na na I wanna make up right now, na na Wish we never broke up right now, na na We need to link up right now, na na I want you to fly with me Want you to fly I miss how you lie with me Miss how you lie Just wish you could dine with me Wish you could dine One that would grind with me One that would grind with me I want you to fly with me Want you to fly I miss how you lie with me Miss how you lie Just wish you could dine with me Wish you could dine One that would grind with me One that would grind I wanna make up right now, na na I wanna make up right now, na na Wish we never broke up right now, na na We need to link up right now, na na I wanna make up right now, na na I wanna make up right now, na na Wish we never broke up right now, na na We need to link up right now, na na complication of life. till then.... good night world.** dancing
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
inspiration for the day.went to school to dance.been long.choreo with shaq for awhile. teach brendan and fadzlan floor work technique.not so much though.(hope it useful ya!good luck guys.)and watching bev and regina choreo-ing for girls hiphop.dope and omg bev *ur trademark moving*. haha inside joke!!!! and off me go. side track : tricia shirt dope. trying not to think things that hurt me.from up to toe.be it my mens,my migraine,my heart. for once i dance very happily.caring less of those who look down on me. continue dancing when i reach home.watch some videos to get inspiration.talking with xiaomei sharon and aaron.haha!aaron says he is chiongin hiphop!dope!CHIONG! anyway i ve great day. it just that... it just that... argh..damn it.just dont think fuck.fucking brain.damn..... controlled.till then................ dance before style as budha stretch said. hiphop,breakdance,jazz,locking,popping? its a label.
aishiteruyo
 having really bad migraine attack extending to vertigo strike seriously killing the shit of me noone ever will understand how it feels unless they have it themselves but lucky for me baby even though he never experience such a bad one he always take care of me really well he will let me sleep in peace cuddle me in my sleep off the light,on the aircon make a soup and protect me from all the noises he practically avoid all the circumstances that caused my occurances im seriously missing you badly baby it always the security i felt on relying myself onto you noone can be the way you are im so glad that i have you in my life and yet again my instinc has never failed me for the choice i took. thank you hazel for waking up so early in the morning and be there to make sure im okay scolding the late-comer doctor on my behalf worrying about me offing my phone to prevent distraction cooking a *CUP NOODLE* which we both think not so suitable for sick people! yea..i m supposed to sleep right now. but i cant help it..but to miss baby.seriously wishin you are here things will be so different when you are around though u are really such an ignorant bastard sometimes NOTE : the sometimes. but you are always there for me all the times. baby i love youuu sory for writing such a mushy lover blog here. okunote daiari-, no kaku wo no-taimu, baby. you must be laughing like hell with my broken kanji. oh well who cares. ps: aishiteruyo baby *** on the side note of today : i dont understand why people cant just shut their mouth off. last goodbye
goodbye sweet.i wish for your happiness. the state of my unconcious mind telling me to wake up. its no longer a dream im facing. goodnight world. Tuesday, March 17, 2009
the purpose of this to make a fool of ourselves on a super cockly ways.
because we are woman with no shame!!!HAHAHAHA okay not really. WE are okay baby you dont steal any of this picture and cut my face out of it! chi muack muack. so sharon,when are we going to do such a cutely random stuff like this? we always take a good picture of ourselves. why dont wanna try to b alien for one day? HAHA! ciaoooooooooo strangers
Monday, March 16, 2009
.cool pose.
stranger in the wrong place. my 2nd post of the day.feeling kinda bored today. missing the unknown.the concealed fate.
credit :jen* Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you ~Nathaniel Hawthorne~ *** i lost another butterfly clip of mine.gosh.. this is it. human is filled with selfishness.so am i. i thought i had given all.but i dont. it will never be enough. why is it keep coming back for more? lets leave it behind us. ***
grab from SHARON.
*** A Simple word like i miss you making me feel contented. dokoniiruno?imataberu?kahou?hayaku?
my brother seriously super retarded.so i asked him wether he knew this woman by the name of lili who actually messaged me and said she was stayin my house currently with my mom and dad.she messaged me and said she missed me.remembered me?she said she used to stay over back then.so i asked him.and guess what? his reply :"im not born yet when she stayed over last time?i was like laughing like mad cow in the middle of this empty house.HAHA koishikute
Sunday, March 15, 2009
 stranger melting a frozen heart.you have no right.fall to silence.bizzare felt.the head bulged with thousand unanswered questions.should we just stop playing this foolish game?after all its strangers called. finnaly IT fair over.its 15 march. tomorrow my real tired life coming to haunt me.ATTACHMENT leg pain.Aw. SHOULD I BUY EMBOLIC STOCKING SERIOUSLY? thought of today: "should i go xuehui class tomorow?"? im afraid my leg will go hairwire if i do and my leturgic day will last till saturday. this will lead to *serious temper *serious tiredness *serious eye bag *serious stuck up face i will definately get trouble with any of these occurances. "should i just stop being such a selfish?" pile by pile of confussion. "will we be back like HOW it used to be baby?" the tenderness and warmth that are missing hug and kisses that are absent 恋しくて. ps.i talk to diane again.it brighthen my lil day.thank you.i thought u hate me i miss
okay i dont think she talking about me. anyway entire of physcho day.mentally drained. I T FAIR is SCARILY packed.DAMN packed. something really **** happen today. LOL cant take it man!i think it teaches me a bloody lesson to bring my IC all the time. incase if i get murdered?or i jumped down,i can be notified.OH lol? i spent the rest of night with hazel after jane's we talked rubbish.and do some head clearance. HAHA in your every negative things happen in your life,i wanna be your positive.i fell into silence. and deep in thought.however,when negative getting overloaded,positive will dissapear. its random but yet .... its not.are you getting confused?because i am. note : i miss ... wtf wtf
Friday, March 13, 2009
anyway whathefuck?whatthefuck i do? wah crazy! it is seriously crazy. if its me .. HUH ? im seriously whathefuck. okay cool down.cant jump into conclusion. but anyway i think its crazy. LOL!serious man??!? tell me what the fuck i do to you that you got a problem with me? wtf..crazy! seriously crazy. why cant u get your own life and dont bother others? and what makes you think every single thing u think is right. siol..wtf wtf how grateful i am to have ben as teacher
yesterday,i went for PopperBen last class.i know it in the morning only by rui. i was really struggling with my esteem seriously. it just getting worse to worst. i called baby and cried and told him i look like fuck. then he kept assuring me its okay and its okay. i just cant understand why people can just do anything without being wierd while no matter how hard i tried,my angles will look wierd here and there. i mean really i dont wan to demoralize myself again and again. anyway,im glad that i took popperben class. i really respect him as a dope dancer and as a person. i really think he is a very good teacher and worth a respect. i can feel he really teaching us sincerely. if you cant catch or anything,he will really teach you till you get it. im a slow learner, that why i know how blessfull it is to have such a teacher. and never once you heard him despising you.he always encourage you he teaches us about life.he teaches us everything he know. seriously he is very exquisite. okay,my english cant make it. whatever is that,just dance.care nothing but dance. of course alot more that he shared to us but its confidential. haha.actually i wass to overwhelmed by everything he said. and hiding my tears quite badly that i never seen a teacher that is so sincere in everything.experience wise,techniques wise,and not to forget he is so humble. okay seriously i will go bla bla bla bla and bla. i will jiayo. thank you for ahei concern.yes i cant be like this.i must be strong. you must fight yourself. not others. because your biggest rival is yourself. thank you for your advices.i will dig and nailed it at my big brain. i will be fine.so i must jiayo. ********************************* im working in IT FAIR now.and yes my colleuge of course except reuben .S.U.X PS:Spelling it LIKE how xiaomei always do!HAHA..most probably she come back singapore already!!YES MUST BE. Anyway yeah i really dont like to treat customer with such a bad attitude. sigh..3 more days of suffer.!! -)- GOOD night world. Labels: POPPERBENDOPE my lil secret
Thursday, March 12, 2009
its a memory that i wish i could held it longeraffair
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
i seriously damn lazy. is there any cure for laziness? in side note: is it a game that we ve played? is it the trouble that i found? so SHAROn been haunting ME that im supposed to update about our outing but i was too **** and also **** not to forget my serious LAZINESS recently. anyway yes we had fun and i dont understand WHY IS SHE ALWAYS WALKING A DIFFERENT SIDE FROM ME?!!!!!! haha!
i really wanna blog about something but i just couldnt blog it out im shaking..im really shaking i will be fine
lost
Monday, March 9, 2009
why i feel something amiss?*** in another part of my thought : i was really very curious over the death of an indonesian NTU student im sorry,but sometimes i guess the truth always hiding behind in singapore and im sorry,seems to be some prejudices over nationality issue here. there is something wierd over the whole thing? i was really amused by : "On Monday, David Hartanto Widjaja, 21, an Indonesian student whose scholarship how could someone so dumb slit his own wrist after tryin to kill somebody and the person is not dead yet? and the fact that ACTUALLY IS NOT A SLIT IN WRIST BUT A SLASH IN NECK AND BACK? read this articles 2nd link 3rd link yes. if your curiosity arroused. read it and find the truth. in the mean time, i will still reading the continuation of the case. oh ya,i almost forgotten that , there is another sucide case happen in the same school and coicidently the man who commited sucide is working in the same research lab as david. SUCH A COICIDENCE.disclaimer : it doesnt created to offend anyone. *** is it loneliness? or somehow ..... im worried. im seriously cant fall this time round.. Sunday, March 8, 2009
HAZEL CHAN YEE LING AKA RUBBER STOMACH.   XIN YING AKA XIAOMEI AKA CHEONG XIN YING.   HAVING fun with these girls.HAHA! update soon about me and sharon trips include shaq. WITH HER shades and whatever.
the photo is me alone.how lonely baby? please get back soon.because i miss you like retardedly seriously too much. and why are you so cold to me?why? empty
Friday, March 6, 2009
emotionlessdrink never failed to be the bestfriend whom understand without even a single word stated pardon me if this post going to be a very emotional post ever. i mean i promised myself to get a hold of myself in bad or worst and stop worrying people around me. i just dont understand you. how could things just simply not understood? someone please enlighten me? how could you promise someone something and yet you are asking for consideration? isnt it sound very wrong? and the fact that blamed is pushed to me.it doent make me easy? AT ALL?! AT ALL. piece of shit. im selfish?is that what u gonna think?be it .. because you are selfish not me. why? simple.. the fact that PEOPLE dont see and dont know WHAT u said that night.. they point at me the blame. but you? you who promised urself? feeling the pinch? if you dont,yes i dont know you. seriously,it pissing the hell outt of me. my night simply no peace recently.quarellsome night. im not fighting with anything but myself and yet again i need to face things that donot go smooth for me everything within me.. keeping my faith ... trusting the unseen... missing a person so badly... facing the fact.. encountering the coldness of whatever reason.. reasoning why things happen this way.. incase you failed to notice...missing you is making me out of control im not expressing to anyone but you. yet why i cant feel you worried?why cant i feel the concern? im sick of telling myself,you have your reason & your own difficulty high make you more true to yourself sobber bring up the unconcious feeling u keep for so long. im sory sharon&shaq for not getting on hold of myself just now. but thanks for not asking me why and standby me. feeling lighter after writing this.. i wish a better day tomorow but then again,after what u said ,it kept me wonder... is it thing really cant work out between us? why is it so hard to understand you and you to understand me? it doesnt goes this way before.. i thought we are okay?i thought we both make it work..? for once .. i see empty road ahead''' however...i miss you i dont want anything else but you right now right here again
slept very early.woke up to0 early. migraine strike most probably because of chocholate banana shAROn! 7 am in the morning. i woke 6 hours earlier then usual no its 8 hours than usual suddenly im not lookin foward to it , why insecurities? why i dont feel it? sponge
Thursday, March 5, 2009
your attitude counts. enjoy when you dance.Hmm if only my brain is a sponge.
waiting for baby
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
here am i waiting for baby to call me.
RINO!!!!!!
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
i bet you know who is RINO NAKOSONE.if you dont... search it and memerize by her! anyway,she is GIN'S IDOL. yesterday Rachel was showing Rino's choreo.i was like wah...!*amazed* SO LET me show you! COOL SHIT RIGHT? wah! im so envying their friendship too. :) maryss and nakasone how many of us actually got such a gifted friend seriously? who have a similiar childhood and till you become a grown woman,both of you still in the same line?WAH WAH WAH WAH..!!! SERIOUSLY...i love rino now.haha.. apart from masao,maryln,gigi torres HAHAA! somehow rather its like a serious inspiration given to me. WOAH.. MY BRAIN IS OVERLOADED NOW! *** ps:i miss baby
.a perfecT inspIratiON. xiehui class
Monday, March 2, 2009
DEAR diary,xie hui class was dope xie hui and ann's the choreo seriously im so noob!! SOBS. but she is a nice teacher she taught me patiently even though im so slow. okay now im talking like a primary school kid.OMG! anyway yes i learnt alot today waiting for baby to brush up my whole TECHNIQUES I RATHER BE ALONE its loud and clear memory
this is my archieve on 04 sept 2007 when everything i wrote is wonderful i was fascinated with how happy i was so carefree so innoncent im not saying that im no longer happy now but i miss that feeling... that unconditional fascination blissfullness sometime i wish i go back to the past and enjoy that pure cuteness again. i m not emoing.i just get a lil emotional with such a real happy memory. allegra dope
Sunday, March 1, 2009
 okay baby this is the hair i wanted to show you. isnt it cool?but yes she is pretty man. i went to allegra class today. yes nice choreo. and yes i think i dance ^&%^*%#% shall nt say and man.. seriously i need to stop being so low esteem and nervous in wrong time. and yes im going to do what you ask me to do baby... previous day i was learning a lil reggae from honey oh fcuk..leg cramp. morale of story : strectch before doing any dance. anyway today popping battle was fine. i mean they are quite good for so called "beginner" by AHO. doesnt look so beginner loh please.... siao eh. went out to eat after that with rui,xm,mb,cz,and aho i have serious much fun note : MUCH so its uncountable HAHA i mean its feel so good to just sit down and chill. been so long..hope the next session,they wil be free. :) okay.today no post for ryu n lesner trip. he said dont have. till then.. IM SO HAPPY TODAY and on side note i didnt know that someone actually havin a similiar experience as mine, im glad to know im not alone.and i m pretty enlighten about that. dance is hapiness as you said,so let be it. i start to feel like how it used to be.enjoy enjoy enjoy must enjoy!
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