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welcome
There is an inner beauty about a woman who believes in herself, who knows she is capable of anything that she puts her mind to. There is a beauty in the strength and determination of a woman who follows her own path, who isn't thrown off by obstacles along the way. There is a beauty about a woman whose confidence comes from experiences; who knows she can fall, pick herself up, and move on
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thanks lord
Thursday, April 30, 2009
the moment i think about you.you appear just too instantly.* all i know , i left the past. and im better off this way. * i wanna be a better person. a better children.a better partner. a better girlfriend.a better dancer. starting to get the chill. come on lady. chil chill. you can do it! dont regret. i want no regret! PLEASE let me be strong. let me be cool. let me what i wanna be. for now or never. thanks lord for every single things that happen in my life. good night world.~ rush here rush there
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
happy annivesary baby.i guess we both to busy to remember that our anniv has just passed. anyway,i kinda busy nowadays.a real busy. so i do thinking of updating my blog but by the time my ass fall to my bedside, i feel so tired to even thinking of writing anything. so in the end, nothing is written. i just cant demoralize yet.not now. i have no time to get demoralize. KO night just left a few days. yes counting days..3 days times.ahHHhh thank you brother,thank you partner,thank you mother and last but never be least thank you baby. sorry hazel i havent been spending time with you.i m not neglecting you. im just really busy.yes..xiaomei too.i miss you too.been long since we ve meet.and yes baby girl too. my brain is rushing together with what written here. so much to say yet so little time. fuck sickness.go away cough ,fever, flu, muscle aches. go go go go...... those medicines making me seriously so drowsy like a zombie. goodness gracious. i need to have some rest. good nite world. care less.
Friday, April 24, 2009
"talk less think more" everyone said that is the secret of success.come to think about it? keep thinking,your brain gets really hurt. why dont we change "dont think dont talk" think about it again? how to dont think ,the point im writing this im actually thinking. and if i dont talk, how am i supposed to meet my daily necessity? dont you find it strange?me too. dance.there are so many knowledge,talks,comments,advices, perceptions, apprehentions and assertions perceive by myself and people. everything are just keep coming in and building in. at the end of the day there is no right or wrong. its a dance. but have u ever ask yourself? are you dancing? its pretty tricky,dont you think so? because i do think so. and am i? in the side note, sometimes...mooncake?sometimes.... "listen to the music.feel the music.push away thoughts.dance." pictures dont tell story.we tell story.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
today,previously i was too tired and shreg to recall anything that happened which by right i should have blogged it out. but anyway, here i am with it. antonishment of self-learned 's result is priceless. down with bad cough with green flame.not to forget to mention bad weather is killing as always. it feels like im leaving in 4 walls of h0t stove. *** slept with annoyance thoughts and troubled with such an unfriendly condition that i wish i could be there for her and just failed. which probably caused my outrage upon myself. i really hope you are doing fine though. i will be there for you if you need me babygirl. *** strolling at the unknown direction when my dad's friend actually decided to stop by border. been long since i stepped to any book stores. if i wasnt wrong, i stopped by once for the cecilia ahern's collection which paid by bro? as usual,romance always the first stop. however, my interest towards it seems to die out. thats pretty strange?   book which make up of total 304 pages. pretty proud of it. boo kept telling me "i cook better than you." yes u cooked better but let me reminded you that i never once criticized your outcome. ah Huh..soba ehm! well anyway,you need me to be there to choose the ingredients and meats freshness or wahtever some sort. practically,your choices are quite bad. next,i went over to psychology site. if you are wondering about "the good girl's guide to live in sin" book.i found it in psychology section. its the top 3 seller for that section.notice THAT SECTION only. anyway,i didnt buy it. i glanced over it only. by now ,i forgotten everything i had glanced. i put a full stop on a book which i m actually not really keen of disclosing the title. boo laughed over it.-_-" after putting a full stop on border,i fetched boo who came over to say hi to my parents. we sat at the border coffee shop called 2 heinekens and a classic salad. and off we go somewhere here there and finnaly boo's home. the rest of the night after boo's home, its written last night. or should i say this morning? notes it is so much easier to criticize and condemn than to try understand the other's person point of view. it is easier to find fault than to find praises. it is more natural to talk about what you want rather than to talk about what the other want. reading this not to acquire knowledge but to form a new habit. will be updating it when time allows me to. not yet.
"the only thing that can ever be predicted is our contant inability to predict." michael lewis. dont give up.never give up. thank you bro for not only some sort of advices but also a great source of motivation & inspiration. it made me thinking AND felt ashame of myself. boo that listens to my frustation again& again.maybe soon you will frustated by me?lol. i should really be thankful to have those people surrounds me. the time when you least expect things, everything will come naturally. everything takes time.i should have known better to learn this by now. im afraid.afraid that actions are so much harder than talks. but no i dont wanna give up now. chin up ,be firm and stand up tall. ahHhH..fuck la.just dance.talk talk talk.... ps: sharon,you passed me your cough. "everything in retrospect is obvious. but if everything were that obvious,authors of histories of financial folly would be rich." finnale
Saturday, April 18, 2009
wanting to sleep.SERIOUSLY i need to sleep early really soon.my timetable is a killer. 08.00 am. Damn. it means im going to miss alot of my lecture class again. Sigh.... *** i seriously dont understand why you just have no life? can you seriously tell me why? complaining in every single thing that happen without even reflecting? and come on .. stop bugging into people's life. seriously? what people have against you that you need to defame them? bitching about things that you dont even know wether its true? even it is?SO? i,myself her friend dont bug into her life,why are you? your jelousy? envy? your pride? you just cant be as pretty as her then be it. you cant be as rich as others then be it. you cant be as smart as others then be it. you cant have a wonderful life then MAKE YOUR LLIFE wonderful. whats the bloody point of you living in misery and cry over it over YEARS? everything that happened,happen for a reason. when are you going to grow up? im not telling you im living a perfect life where i have a perfect attitude and i have a perfect family and doing allright in every single thing i done. but i am living my life. ups and downs. i get depressed and frustated times to times. but i dont complained ALL THE TIMEs. iam struggling over things but i never give up. you tell me im strong.you cant be like me. yes you wil never be like me because you never ever try to be yourself. when everyone everything give up on you and turn their back, the least you can do is to never give up on yourself. for sometimes,i ve been keeping this deep down. you treat us your friends who are sincere to you with such attitude. one day you will regret. what you never cherish will gone. so much for such a long friendship.or am i even ever be part of your friendship life? cant be bothered. *** im done chan.haha.i bet you feel the same way. i dont care how long more you are going to tolerate.but im not going to. its retarded enough to buy that cake,im seriously dissapointed.-_-" oh not to forget,she said she is going to call us on monday. i told you, she wont call. because we are not that rich to buy heR prada bag? or perhaps because we dont steal her boyfriend?aHHhhhh GOODNIGHT B. argh
i keep telling myself dance to enjoy.enjoy the dance.but fuck.. fuck.. dance is friggin hard. i cant bloody dance. demoralized.fuggin demoralized. love
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
how lovely and stupendous love letter with such well written english. i had been complaining for sometimes over so many imperfections that occured. so much so that i had given up and told God,"i had enough.im leavin it to you." however,fate is the utmost reasonance. when faith started to fail you,fate gave reason to stay strong. implicit confidence builts up and heal the past faux pas. love does not pronounce in life as easy as how it is written. allegiance,devotation,adoration,adulate,lust,respect,sentiment so and so. there are thousands of analogue to it. once, there is someone used to be a beau, a passerby in my life. someone who bring laughter, and left me with a scar.a total stranger. the last thing i knew,i know nothing about that unknown sparks. left nothing but an outrageous question "what do you know about love?" and an acrimonious adjuge "dont spell it if you dont know." it left me with doubts, thoughts, and anguish. however,one day if we ve met again,im gonna tell you "i found the real imperfect beau in my life.yes,im still learning about love but i will never afraid to tell him i love you." because its you yourself decide wether its love or infatuation. you describe your own love's defination. im happy with this dear imperfection. because noone can make me feel as blisful as i am now. those words whispered softly in my ear. a tender kiss before we slept. a peck when we kissed goodbye. a tight hug and warmth smile when you felt noone cared.its so perfect. tear,quarellsome night,nasty mutter and violence are always the other side of every relationship story. however,as far as life's concerned, if it doesnt go overboard according to your own precision,does it really matter? NO.right? it is mushy because you have not felt it. when you are in love, you care less everything else.it is just you and him. i love you baby boo.and lets see our future together. boredom
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
woke up at 3 oclock and got a shock. "omg,its 3oclock.i have 1 hour to prepare." walked to kitchen to get home phone. "ma,where is my donation?" "yos,help me buy one prepaid card on the way home." cooked tomyam cup noodle as i dont know whats my mom cooking. it did not make my apetite go wow. anyway,jeanie just make me TEMPTED TO BUY NEW BAG. "punch jeaniie"~~~ *** anyway i wrote that in the morning.now nighty nighty. nothing much to blog though. i worked at the penang kitchen filling RON's slot and practically ate alot of FOOD. i told umee, "help me make your dope secret recipe eh!!i miss it?!" then he made for me a super fuggin big glass.AhH..and he cooked 3 wrong prawn noodle which ended up me eating one of it. 1 BIg glas of milo and dozen sweets. i must be crazee! *** anyway this is a friggin retarded convo.and this is friggin to fill my emptyslot of blog.
i invited her to another friend's convo.after knowing that she actually went away. i asked my friend "how to kick her from msn convo?" so...this is what happen Hazel says: why u wna *** passion somehow is scaring me just like future does.i wanna be happy. good night. FRIGGIN LONG POST
10 april 2009. something i dont wanna comment about as its not really wise. for those who know then be it.for those who dont take it asits not neccessary to know.
this is all about hazel. im so tired yet im still doing it for you.SO SHUT UP and dont think I DONT CARE. haha oh btw,the perm nice aight? :)) im a dope hairstylist.  11 april 2009. night out with lovely GIRLS.and a crazy GIRL*rachel*.fun fun fun :) somehow it felt like it was a tempting past.noNOno      12 april 2009. boo cooked for me a beef steak.Ahh..so sweet :)especially the wine AHhh...went to buy the preparation together.we are so like happy family. okay i saw that stare in YOUr eyes hazel!Shh. anyway jasminie&djing came over at the night.djing was high all night.  14 april 2009. TODAY,went to oschool spent 105$ of boo's money which im gonna return ASAp.i asked my mom for a donation which my mom waslaughing OUT loud over my retardation. anyway, I was talking to bro and we talked about dreams in 5 years time. which cant be disclose. ah..i wanna see both boo & him succeed. and we gonna say to our children: "daddymomy not rich but daddymomy noes how to pursue our dreams and lead our life" and our children marry to each other. HAHAHAHAHAHA ahHhh..i wish i could have such a big dream :) nevertheless,life will not change unlesss u make it happen. must focus. fall down stand up!till then, - *** a super overdue PHOTOs. this taken by boo himself when i was busy.  my all time favourite photo.with my dearest.  end of my story today. ") SLEEP with a smile pS:jasminie thanks for the cap. alot but lazy
Sunday, April 12, 2009
got ALOT TO Blog.but lazy to TYPE. DANCEfever
Friday, April 10, 2009
DANCE IS RAW. NOT CLEAN.dont use (point at my head) , use this (point my heart) tphoon
im going to write a very quick updation of day of today!before chan come and scream at me for not paying attention on whatever we going to do later.!~ so anyway,i love my bitch. even though BECAUSE OF YOU,mark that!because of you i missed *a special dinner*cook by boo & yeah not mentioned *romantic night* perhaps with some incest? or candle light? OOops im just so making it obvious.DUhh... ah..i need to call her.she going to scream at me for calling her over 1000x times.AHhhh..as expected.yes she is screaming. anyway,boo im sory for rejecting the invitation. which i would love to come seriously upon my "very important thing". this stay over thing already been said since 2 weeks ago.so... yeap.im sory baby boooooo i ll make up this sunday.muacks. do you know about love?
Love is like a sprained ankle...it hurts, but you keep walking on it to see if it gets better. You know you truly love somebody when they hurt you so badly, but all you can think about it is the times when they made you smile.mind games
Thursday, April 9, 2009
previous dp of my bery. my current dp of my computer. nice right? hm..:)   some not so overdue photo. my creation to chan's hand.pretty love. *** so anyway,what make you to have the right to say complicated even?? who the fuck are you?and not to forget you are the one who trigger the chaos and mess my friggin life. *** controlling all the emotions within definately not easy task. im mentally drained. shrugged.  what lies beneath the calm ocean is something you need to fear about. the wierdest
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
okaydokey.You know what?TOday must be the wierdest day of my life? * first thing in the morning, i slept at 5 am on the very same day and woke up at 9am. im seriously lacking of sleep. see this ?!!! OMG! my eye equivalent to dead people 's eye.  so anyway, 9 am awake, tried to sleep even though the sun is killing both the light and the heat! i still tried to sleep till 3 pm. so guess what? 6 hours of rolling in the bed. if you know me well, 1 hour of distraction will sure make me get up. especially light and heat. a perfect irritant btw! * second thing, my mom said "wash the toilet for me when u are bathing?" my replied "oh ok" wierd. * third thing, i went to hazel house with a blue shirt which i wore for my granddad 's funeral.a shirt that i bought and wore with a disgust. my mom was like "i thought u dont like that shirt at all?" i shrugged and walked away. * fourth thing, dinner time, my mom prepared all the food for all of us.that makes a mushroom and its companion on the table too.yes.. i hate mushroom. but the wierdest part ,i just took it and ate it.my mom went like"OMG!?" I actually knew it was a mushroom.but i couldnt recall how it tasted? * fifth thing, i hate to go anywhere alone.even it just to buy a box.yes i went alone and yes with that pathetic blue shirt and a quater pants.its quater pants? since when you see me with quater pants,unless a baggy kind? * six thing, i cleaned my whole room,seriouly whole room.put all my cap in plastic. pasted glowing stars in my room which hazel went like "your room forever always with such stuff." and okay the wierdest part : i mopped my room with a cloth. i nv done that before. my mom said "something is very wrong with me today." * enough with my so wierd behaviour today. today,i went to hazel crib.crazee man. we were like messing the whole cabinet of her. finnally, settled with some clothes. oh man! we were like exchangin bra, and all the girl shit that we never done bfore. craze?!hahaha.... of course it cant be disclose. when im done with my choice,i went to my msn and saw something wierd. YEAP.end of today.goodnight world.
crawling back
went mahjoing at rachel's crib. hazel's schoolmate.quite fun.i meant i didnt play but they were so damn funy. i was like OMG keep laughing till my stomach felt like bursting. mahjong never been an in thing for me. because i think its a retarded game.and oh well no fun. * anyway there is this very qiao things happen. suddenly "are you...." it freaked me out.i didnt know world so small. i stunned till droplet of tears almost unbearable. memories that i controlled and pushed to the back of my concious mind glaring at me. and suddenly a song title "christie,are you doing fine?" appeared in radio. WTF?you get what im trying to say? and now its hazel favourite song.shes been singin it to my ear. damn iritatting. *faint* coicidence happen.always not in the right time. or perhaps... * finished doing a draft for my new composed songs. waiting for love to sing it for me.and hopefully i can post it soon. yes..i hope she is free like soon.so it wont b dragging so long. for now till then stay strong. its burning.frustation. people are selfish.very........ home back home
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
my just found oldies stuff  take a good closer look at the album. here i am with my bro & mom. i was 13? lol.so this is when i was 14. this taken during celebration of my birthay.
how poignant is love without a reply. i dont have a big heart to understand you i am not good enough to realize you are no longer mine listen... listen to me i will holding on till forever im sory i never been perfect for you and its ending..its ending......... a relationship that is not so perfect to be even remembered as memories if i can i will let go every single beautiful memories that has been craved if i can moving on with every second and future that is approaching and... listen to me.. listen to me i will hold on till forever.... forever
april7
Monday, April 6, 2009
CHARGER caused 100 $ ++. what the funkkkk!!!i never know that charger so costly. anyway i shall buy when i got money.not now. hm..i love the idea of going swimming today.ahhh relaxing.. laying my head at the platfom facing the sky and back stroke -ing in the spot. hm... enjoying.... when chan grumbled "why the sky so not nice?so grey.." spoilt the whole moment. AhhhHh... i promised myself i will be okay. and i am. :) recently,i m addicted again to gunbound.crazeee so been playing the game lots. distracting my brain from the unecessity thought. IM SO IN LOVE WITH THIS SONG.i wan a new mp3.damnit! "i dont wanna feel the way that i do, i just wanna breathe right here with you i dont wanna see us apart, i just wanna say it straight from my heart i miss you" this song stuck in my head.ahHhh... right here. here i am still standing tall. be it
noone ever said its easy.take a step back and lay back. im not gonna show you how much it affects me. spells s.u.c.k
Sunday, April 5, 2009
It suck to be meIs it whatever I do,Whatever I said,whatever I react is a sin Somehow it always cause harm Is it wrong to have defensive nature? I don't wanna explain. Let nature take it cause As I believe in you *** i've wronged you. i never expect you to say those words unexpressed thought
attachment end.i thought i can.but the truth lies. when i talk to you, the feeling..the sensations.. all of it comes back. i cant sleep, i just cant breathe when your shadow is all over me baby dont wanna be, a fool in your eyes cause what we had was built on lies and when our love seems to fade away listen to me hear what I say i dont wanna feel the way that i do i just wanna be right here with you i dont wanna see see us apart i just wanna say it straight from my heart i miss you... crazee.selfish. ah. i ll be doing fine. :) dance like seem to be more in control nowadays. care less.. it makes me happier :) frustated
Saturday, April 4, 2009
speechlessfrustation im glad its over.but then again....... get up from where you fall
Friday, April 3, 2009
 you can - think you can get free, you think you won't need me that you're gonna get you somethin better, but you know that we're in this forever, and you can - think you can walk out, even with your doubts, but you know that we're in this together, you can try to push me from you, nothing you do will keep us a part. cause it's too late, there's no escape, might as well face it, baby, we're stuck with each other (stuck with each other) ain't nothin you can do about it, it's been too long, it's been too strong cause we belong here, baby, we're stuck with each other (stuck with each other) stuck in love with each other (stuck in love with each other) now i can say that i would not care, if you were not there, tell myself that i'll be fine without ya, but i would die if i was not around ya, and i can try to convince you i don't need to be with you, but my only thoughts are thoughts about ya, what can i do, love is like glue. there's no way to .. tear us a part. there's nothing i'd rather do, than to sit with you forever - can't think of nothin better than to be stuck with you. cause it's too late, there's no escape, might as well face it, baby, we're stuck with each other (stuck with each other) ain't nothin we can do about it cause it's too late, there's no escape, might as well face it, baby, we're stuck with each other (stuck with each other) ain't nothin i can do about it it's been too long, it's been too strong - yes, we belong here, baby, we're stuck with each other (stuck with each other) stuck in love with each other (stuck in love with each other) cause it's too late, there's no escape, might as well face it, baby, we're stuck with each other (stuck with each other) ain't nothin i can do about it it's been too long, it's been too strong - yes, we belong here, baby, we're stuck with each other (stuck with each other) stuck in love with each other (stuck in love with each other) ain't nothin gonna stop me and you (eh) cause you know we just stuck like glue (eh) ain't nothin we can do, we stuck in love with each other i dont understand about love? do you? just a lil nightmare last night. times rolling without we notice. things are getting strangers than ever. but im fine.im allright now. :)) taiwan guys.sincere thought. enjoy yourself there and i hope you all learn alot :) dont forget present arr! we learnt from mistake we ve created. new songs for my blog. new chapter i must said! 'like as if im closing any chapter of my life.' duh! aHAha. i think most people dont understand me,so do you.but i like it that way.ahHh.. from where it starts,it stops right here.  i was a dead meat when baby saw this.phantom
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
 a different side when smile is not stated.candid shot by sharon. i want to but i cant to. a simple complication all around. its no longer till then but i ve stop yearning. satisfied? i m busy recently.a recent answer for my lack of posts. attachment pretty fine.i gotta admit i enjoy what what i am doing. though its not really smooth sometimes and the fact i need to wake up so darn early in the morning.oh MY.that idea is an irritants! yesterday.indochine again. as usual "beer never failed to be a bestfriend" right place with right person with right rythm ahh....im so sory chan!ha! it must be damn disgusting last night!AHh...... smile meant alot of things. affect is not always reflecting mood. its not that im being denial that im happy. or im telling you im in miseries. the whole picture is "im happy but at the back of my mind there is this unsettled thought." anyway.this is not another emo post SHARON!!!!!! recently my post filled with thought doubt happiness unsaidWORDS "be happy for what you have" sounded just like "hate me" ps :bro dont be down.you can do it. bao also.
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